Tuesday, April 13, 2010

what's a broken heart?

Jeudi, le 08 décembre

I've lost what it feels like, normal. My mind has only two states at the moment --one is lean and jittery, the lines of the world drawn sharp and tight, every voice a shout, every footstep a pounding. Then there's the other: cocooned in cotton wool unawareness, numb, unreceptive. Every voice sounds so far away. Times like those i feel i could step off this crowded Tube platform in the way of the train and not feel a thing. And in the few lucid moments between them, i am ashamed. Ashamed at my grief. Ashamed that my gran saw half her family carted off to the gas chambers and i'm crying over some man. Not that such thoughts help; they don't. Can't.
~Belle de Jour

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