just a thought

i am so tired these days
some days i feel like blowing my head off so i could rest, forever
no, not suicidal, just rrreally tired

kidding, i'm fine.

see, im turning into emo bitch the second i touched my blog
well, maybe i am.
an emo blogger
godd, the name itself sounds hideous

so,
seriously, what's wrong with wanted to have it all
i want to be bad, real bad,
without judgment
i want to be good, great even
without getting an even higher expectations

for once,
i don't want to feel like im pushing myself too hard
yet, i get the satisfaction
and without being guilty to feel satisfied

sometimes i made myself believe
that i get a gift to make things sounds so complicated
i swear.

born to friends

having a sister is like having a best friend you can't get rid of.
you know whatever you do, they'll still be there.
there's no relationships quite like sisters
i mean, you can always kid the world, but never your sister.

when words fall, music speaks [4]

there's a fire starting in my heart
reaching a fever pitch and its bringing me out the dark
the scars of your love remind me of us
they keep me thinking that we almost had it all
the scars of your love they leave me breathless
i can't help feeling
we could have had it all
rolling in the deep
you had my heart inside your hand
but you played it to the beat.

~Adele

when words fall, music speaks [3]

You're better then the best
i'm lucky just to linger in your light
cooler then the flip side of my pillow that's right
completely unaware
nothing can compare to where you send me
lets me know that it's ok
and the moments where my good times start to fade

you make me smile like the sun
fall out of bed
sing like a bird
dizzy in my head
spin like a record
crazy on a sunday night
you make me dance like a fool
forget how to breathe
shine like gold
buzz like a bee
just the thought of you can drive me wild
ohh you make me smile

even when you're gone
somehow you came along
just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
you steal away the rain and just like that

don't know how i lived without you
'cause every time that i get around you
i see the best of me inside your eyes
you make me smile...

Uncle Kracker - Smile

the truth is... [8]

 I've never fooled anyone.

I've let people fool themselves. 

They didn't bother to find out who and what I really was.

Instead they would invent a character for me.

I wouldn't argue with them.

They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't.

When they found this out,

they would blame me for disillusioning them and fooling them.

This is how foolish people can be... most of the time.

i'm in love with Midori

Here i am, nearly 24 hours after i finished reading Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood, yet the feelings that the book brought upon me still linger in me. This book got the best characters, my ultimate favorite is Midori Kobayashi. She got this honest, radiant, smart, lively, realistic, straight forward, unpredictable personality that just blow my mind. How the author speak through the main character is really poetic, detailed and beautiful. Hands down, Murakami got a one big brilliant mind!

"I'm writing this latter to you while you're off buying drinks.

This it the first time in my life i've ever written a letter to

somebody sitting next to me on a bench, but i feel it's the

only way i can get through to you. I mean, you're hardly listening

to anything i say. Am i right?

Do you realize you did something terrible to me today?

You never even noticed that my hairstyle had changed, did

you? I've been working on it forever, trying to grow it out, and

finally, at the end of last week, i managed to get it into a style

you could actually call girlish, but you never even noticed. It

was looking pretty good, so i figured i'd give you a little shock

when you saw me for the first time after such a long time, but

it didn't even register with you. Don't you think that's awful?

I'll bet you can't even remember what i was wearing today.

Hey, i'm a girl! So what if you've got something on your

mind? You can spare me one decent look! All you had to say

was "Cute hair," and i would have been able to forgive you for

being sunk in a million thoughts, but no!

Which is why i'm going to tell you a lie. It's not true that i

have to meet my sister in the Ginza. I was planning to spend

the night at your place. I even brought my pajamas with me.

It's true. I've got my pajamas and a toothbrush in my bag. I

must be an idiot! I mean, you never even invited me over to

see your new place. Oh well, what the hell, you obviously

want to be alone, so i'll leave you alone. Go ahead and think

away to your heart's content!

But don't get me wrong. I'm not totally mad at you. I'm

just sad. You were so nice to me when i was having my problems,

but now that you're having yours, it seems there's not a

thing i can do for you. You're all locked up in that little world

of yours, and when i try knocking on the door, you just sort of

look up for a second and go right back inside.

So now i see you coming back with our drinks -- walking

and thinking. I was hoping you'd trip, but you didn't. Now

you're sitting next to me chugging down your cola. I was holding

out one last hope that you'd notice and say, "Hey, your

hair's changed!" but no go. If you had, i would have ripped

this letter up and said, "Let's go to your place. I'll make you a

nice supper. And afterward we can get in bed and cuddle."

But you're about as sensitive as a steel plate. Good-bye.

PS: Please don't talk to me next time we meet in class."

~Midori

This might sounds a little bit selfish for some people. But i'd say, this is a true feelings of a girl. A hundred percent honesty, which some girls might find it hard to express. Midori always finds her way to say what she thinks and what she feels in her unique way. You'll find yourself somehow envy her free spirit personality.

What's awe me more is how the author describe this kind of woman feelings in such effortless way that it came out so naturally.

" [Midori] So i made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me

unconditionally three hundred and sixty-five days a year.

[Toru] Wow, and did your search pay off?

[Midori] That's the hard part. I guess I've been waiting so long I'm looking for perfection.

That makes it tough.

[Toru] Waiting for perfect love?

[Midori] No, even i know better than that. I'm looking for selfishness. Like, say i tell you i want

to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me.

And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake

out to me. And i say i don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. That's what i'm looking for."

~Midori

those days under the sun

lately i've been daydreaming about sunshine, blue sky, sand, water... yes, i desperately miss the beach!

then i started to reminiscing about my vacation a year ago, and feel like sharing the pictures here.

ahh, how i wish i were on the beach right now...

here we go!!