Sunday, July 26, 2015

03.29 26.07.2015

(C) : It's not so easy for me to be a romantic.
You start off that way, and,
after you've been screwed over a few times...
You... you forget about all your delusional ideas,
and you just take what comes into your life.

That's not even true,

I haven't been...screwed over,
I've just had too many...
bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, 
but...they were no real...connection, or excitement.

At least, not from my side.

(J) : God, I'm sorry, is it...Is it really that bad?

(C) : It's not, right?

You know...It's not even that, I was...
I was fine.
Until I read your fucking book!

It stirred shit out from you,

It reminded me how...genuinely romantic I was,

how I had so much hope in things and...

now it's like...

I don't believe in anything that relates to love,
I don't feel things for people anymore.
In a way...I put all my romanticism into that one nigh stand 
I was never able to feel all this again.

Like...somehow this night took things away from me and...

I expressed them to you and
you took them with you!
It made me feel cold,

like if love wasn't for me!

~Before Sunrise (2003)

Saturday, July 25, 2015

00.14 26.07.2015

I'm afraid..

I'm afraid that in this state i will forget how it feels, how terrible it was..
i was a fool..

i was so lost.

and the worst part is, i didn't even try to save my own soul.
i was in denial so deep, i didn't realize i was drowning.

and now, now that i finally break free
now that i finally putting back all the broken pieces
now that i make amends with myself
now that i start to redeem my lost soul

the demon finally catching up with me..

all the good memories
the best moments
the laughter
the holding hands
the sweet kiss on my forehead
the long deep and random conversations all night
the falling asleep side by side, and waking up to a smile and adoring stares
the familiar scent
the gentle touch
the love...

makes me questions the freedom.

maybe, maybe it was better to be chained together,
to be lonely with someone than to be alone..

love... is it worth it to pay it all with your fire.. with your soul?